http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoAIY_6qkmU

When I heard that AC/DC was putting out a new album I thought, 'well isn't that nice, go them.'  Then I heard 'Rock n Roll Train' their first release from their alblum "Black Ice" slated for release on October 20th...and I thought 'damn, these guys still have it!'  My thoughts turned to what we have for new rock artists today.  There aren't many that I would consider 'true rockers'. Don't get me wrong, there have been some albums that have made my heart skip a beat, but only two bands with one common denominator have that 'something' that makes rock n roll what it is, dirty, sexy, raw energy that conjures that passion deep from our core that the daily grind and corporate machines would rather us forget exists.  That common link?  Josh Homme, the gentleman on the right in the photo above.  He's a living modern rock god that you should know if you love rock n roll.  He's the drummer for Eagles of Death Metal and their next album "Heart On" is due in stores October 21st.  At first I thought...damn, EODM has to compete with AC/DC, but then I considered the fact that for the first time in a LONG TIME...there are actually two albums that I want to BUY.  Not two albums the same year or month, but one day after the other!!!  Remember...the revolution will not be televised.  Get AC/DC's 'Black Ice' AND Eagle of Death Metal's 'Heart On'.  You'll get that rock n roll fix you've been jonesin' for......Morgen

The story has been buried beneath political stories, but this week, the human race did something that my mind just can’t wrap itself around.  I keep reading about it, and the more confused I get, the more frightened I become…because I’m sure I’m not alone in my confusion.  My fear is that the scientists are counting on our ignorance so they can continue their work.  Some say that this machine could produce micro black holes, some say it could produce pure anti-matter (sounds Rocky Horroresque to me!), and then there is the possibility that it could show us the secrets to the universe.  *sigh*

In my brief time on this earth I have learned a LOT.  I am constantly trying to push the envelope for answers to spiritual questions.  Being a person who suffers from depression, I fail at finding the ultimate cure to keep me from plunging into that darkness that swallows me up and then spits me out after having a total breakdown leaving me exhausted and thankful that I made it through another episode.  In my time, I have never felt the need to know why my body is held together, but I HAVE wondered why I’m here and how I can make the best of the time I have.

The very idea that scientists, at this very moment are smashing atoms, and will continue to until they find whatever answer it is that they don’t even really know that they are looking for freaks me out.  The idea that there is a remote possibility that they could be producing microscopic black holes scares me to no end.  What if the holes get bigger?  What if they aren’t detectable until it’s too late?  What if every black hole that exists in our universe is the result of some freaking’ life forms not settling for living and loving one another but instead trying to be God?  What if the answer means the end to the human race?  Is the answer REALLY that important?  Didn’t we already go against when we created the Atom Bomb?  We see where that got us.  Maybe I’m just too stupid to understand this, but I’m not wired to.  My question is…Is the Hadron Collider really necessary?  Is it worth the literally BILLIONS of dollars its cost already to create?  Can’t we use that money for the common good?  Or am I failing to see the good in this?

If you are trying to figure out what the hell I’m talking about…it only proves my point all the more.  Every night I go to sleep actually wondering if I’ll wake up in the morning.  I wonder if I’ll even exist, if the love of my life lying next to me will.  I sink into his arms grateful for the moment and pray for one more day to love him more than I did the day before.  Our ignorance cannot be our end.  The tower of Babel was more than just a bible story; it was a metaphor for the fact that there are some things that we just don’t need to know.  Is it so wrong that I don’t want to know about the God Particle or if it exists?  Don’t we already know that it does?  Doesn’t our existence prove it?  Isn’t that enough of a miracle for us to stop wasting money on stuff like this and figure out how we’re going to feed the hungry?  End poverty?  Or are those things a part of equation?  If we continue to search for what caused the Big Bang…is it possible that the answer just might be our end?  Is knowing the answer really that important?

I was thinking about you today. When I talked to you the last time, it was rather...odd. I had the nagging feeling that you were under the influence even though you said you hadn't used in a while. When you called me later that day and left a message that sounded like a totally different person from the person I'd talked to for three hours earlier, I pretty much knew what was up.

There are only a few people who I would consider 'forever friends'. People I love and think about no matter how much time passes or what distance separates us. I live with the fear that one day I'll get the news from one of your friends, during a chance encounter crossing paths at the mall, on the street or at the grocery..."Oh, you haven't heard? I hate to be the one to tell you this, but she died a couple months ago." I feel that what you are doing, what you are putting into your body is taking you to a place that I can't reach. I can't talk to you when you're jacked up and having a drug induced 'epiphany'. I do want to celebrate your growth and accomplishments, but I can't support what you are doing to yourself.

It's been a few months since I've heard from you, which says to me that things aren't as good as you tried to convince me. I feel pretty helpless, like I'm trapped in a sound proof glass box, my screams falling on deaf ears as you walk on the edge, tempting fate. I can handle you being depressed, you can call me if you need me...but don't call me and try to convince me that you are doing fantastic when you are actually high on meth and another fall is but hours away.

You're lying to yourself if you think it's for my benefit that I don't know what you're doing. I might be a simpleton, but I know the path you're on has only one destination. I've buried enough friends in my 36 years. If this is it, please let me know. Let me mourn the loss of the person I once knew. She was a forever friend and I will love her till the day I die. What exists now is a ghost of what she used to be, stuck on a plane of existence that is beyond my reach. This hurts more than if you were buried in the ground, more so than a terminal illness that was beyond your control. You have the power to stop this and be the person you were put on this earth to be. You have a mark to make, and its not as another statistic.

So this is it. I know this won't be easy, relapse is pretty much a given and I can prepare myself for that knowing that the road ahead of you will be harder than any I've ever walked. If you can't give me anything else, just give me the truth. When you lie to me, you're also lying to yourself and if I accept your lies, then I am a part of the problem and contributing to your addiction...and I won't help you kill yourself.

I pray for the day that we celebrate your sobriety, the realization of your self and purpose, and the return of the person I once knew. You are loved my friend, and I miss you so very much.